Every day I seem to find new examples of how very different the Brits and the yanks are. There’s one area where they are sadly very much the same – the handshake. I checked on Google. There are 2, 690,000 results on “how to: handshake” and yet both nations continue make a complete Horlicks of it. Maybe it is the confusing instructions relating to “pumping to convey sincerity” that confused matters…
Most likely you’ll be offered a limp, damp thing that is jiggled loosely next to yours. This is generally a pretty pointless experience. Then there are those who have heard that a “firm” handshake is important. They apparently interpret this as a grip strength exercise and literally squeeze your proffered extremity until the bones creak.
I wear a largish ring on my right hand – the hand that was recently subjected to the latter indignity. A sharp pain accompanied the alleged shake which left an indentation of the ring in the two neighbouring fingers. That’s not a handshake – that’s an assault. I imagine that this is some sort of Napoleon complex style over-compensation – the giver of the handshake was definitely the sort that has sand kicked in his face.
Both nations should look to the Germans who seem to have the hang of it. In the meantime I think I’ve got two options: – 1) wear a sling at all times or 2) go for the preemptive strike and crush to save my own metatarsals.