If anyone asks..I’m from the Isle of Wight
Posted by Anya in Stuff that's different and weird, Two nations divided by a common language on September 12, 2010
Generally when I meet an American, once they have been politely corrected in their assumption that I’m Australian (honestly! I couldn’t sound less Australian if I tried) they ALWAYS say; “oh I have a friend in England/ I lived there once/ my next door neighbour’s son could point it out on a map”….or similar. Then they say: “I lived in Moss Side/ Dagenham/ Milton Keynes” or somewhere of comparable grimness. “Do you know it?”
At that point I generally make “mmm that sounds lovely but it’s not very close to where I lived” sort of noises. I’m now of the mind that I’d be best off avoiding the conversation completely. I was thinking I could just say I’m from the Isle of Wight (which from memory is pretty uniformly pleasant). Or maybe I should just invent a small European country to come from. Bet they won’t have family there.
I fought the law – and won!
Posted by Anya in Uncategorized on August 19, 2010
Today was a special day. I just won in court. The nice judge ruled me not guilty when the nasty policeman told porkies about me. I am very happy.
It’s been an irritating matter that has been hanging over my head for just over a year when I was stopped for speeding. The thing is, I actually really wasn’t speeding. Absolutely not. Really. If I had been, I would have paid up and been done with it, but I was pretty annoyed so I took it to court.
All the correspondence is a bit intimidating – “Chambers v the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania”. I kept wondering – what the WHOLE Commonwealth?
My only real knowledge of US courtrooms (or UK ones for that matter) has been gleaned entirely from books and TV. Of course it isn’t at all like that. In books/ TV the D.A. (District Attorney – look how I’ve picked up the lingo) is the attractive one in the sharp suit. In real life he’s about twelve and wearing a slightly shiny polyester outfit. And rather than being thrusting and dynamic he mostly just hung around chatting to people. The Prosecutor was slightly less impressive still.
There’s also a LOT more random sitting around than strictly necessary. There was a good hour of random horsetrading before the show started – everybody else’s policemen made deals but my nasty one wouldn’t. Then there was a bit more waiting. It starts when the judge shows up. And he shows up whenever the fancy takes him. I even popped out to feed the meter in the middle of the sitting around bit. In this small provincial courtroom I counted 15 yes FIFTEEN people all paid by our taxes in some way. All of those 15 people were doing very unproductive things for hald the morning – that can’t be right.
Anyway, I’m ridiculously pleased. That really was the right result. I know I was lucky too. I should have bought a lottery ticket while I was about it.
A kind of magic
Posted by Anya in Activities on August 19, 2010
I’ve been doing some more flying. It’s AMAZING. My favourite bit is the take off – it’s like magic. There you are bowling along the runway, then all of a sudden you are up in the air. Every time it feels like one in the eye for my old nemesis – gravity. The only thing I can compare it to is that wonderful moment when a back and white photograph starts to appear in the developing tray. Love it!
Based on my few hours in tiny aeroplanes, I want to share some surprises.
1) taxiing is all done with the feet. Go left, push left. Not hard in principle but so far I’ve been weaving around the airport like a drunken sailor.
2) it turns out that those dials aren’t for show – there are a LOT of things to look at . There’s a little too much for my tiny mind to take in all at once. I’ve found that I can maintain altitude, maintain speed and maintain bearing but rarely more than two at a time.
3) as a result of 2) flying so far is about the only thing that will shut me up for any length of time.
4) I have absolutely no idea where I am in the air. When I’m instructed to head back to the airport – I have to be told where it is. I’m not sure how pilots learn to recognise airports. I’ve got a way to go here I think.
Clearance to take off
Posted by Anya in Activities, Stuff that's different and weird on June 30, 2010
I’m VERY excited. I’ve just received authorisation to take flying lessons. I can’t wait to start but actually just getting permission to start as a foreigner is an achievement in itself. I’ve filled in endless forms for the Transportation Security Administration and had my fingerprints taken by YET another organisation (I’m not going to make it as a cat burglar here).
I’ve had to apply via the Alien Flight School Program – which makes me think of ET having to deal with the authorities before landing his ship here . Maybe the program is less well policed in Nevada where there are all those UFO sightings.
I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.
Weird Chemist – ry
Posted by Anya in Stuff that's different and weird, Two nations divided by a common language on June 29, 2010
I’ve been here in the land of the large for a little while now, but I’m still amazed at the sheer scale of some thing. Take pharmacies for example…
I’m used to popping into Boots for a couple of plasters or a severely rationed pack of Ibuprofen. There’s not much choice and most of the good stuff even for colds and flu lies hidden behind the sadists at the counter who like to discuss symptoms VERY LOUDLY.
In America, packs of things are massive – you can buy jumbo pots of Aleve, Aspirin, Ibuprofen etc off the shelf. You also are rarely far from a chemist – there seems to be a warehouse sized one on every other block in Florida – presumably to cater for the legions of geriatrics and their complex medication schemes. They really are ENORMOUS. In fact – many are so big that they have drive through (sorry drive thru) windows, presumably so people can pick up their obesity medication from the comfort of their cars.
When you do venture in, you notice that there are WHOLE AISLES dedicated to conditions you weren’t aware were such a problem – I recently counted approx 20m purely dedicated to incontinence, but diabetes generally also has a vast square footage. Then there are the remedies for conditions I had never heard of. Such as Monkey Butt. I haven’t dared investigate exactly what this is for fear of finding out, but based on the other products in the general vicinity it has something to do with friction and/ or moistness. Eeuuuuw.
Is nothing sacred?
Posted by Anya in Stuff that's different and weird on June 14, 2010
Last year I was made redundant. As part of the severance package I was sent to a ‘talent and career management’ organisation. Some of the sessions were fairly useful, for example the ones that taught me how to write a US CV (for a start I learned that they call them resumes here). Some sessions were irritating – for example the one where some ‘expert’ told me that the reason European CVs tend to have more personal info about interests etc is because “it’s a different pace of life in Europe, they have more time.” Yeah right.
Some bits were more shocking. For example I learned that it is ABSOLUTELY NORMAL to be subjected to a drug test prior to being accepted for a job. OMG! I was completely in a state of shock (and still am for that matter). It took 5 mins for me to pick my jaw back off the table.
What an absolutely enormous infringement on personal privacy! I don’t even smoke cigarettes let alone anything else but if I wanted to spend my weekends stoned out of my skull I think that would be my business and not anyone else’s. I mean if it doesn’t affect someone’s work – why should they know?
Also, to get longer term readings, they could use hair, but instead, a possible new job has to start with your wee changing hands. Eeeeeuw.
US rejects the ultimate eco-friendly packaging
Posted by Anya in Crimes against food, Stuff that's different and weird on June 7, 2010
At around this time of year we start to see a LOT of sweetcorn in the shops. A great deal of the stuff is grown locally so there’s no wonder the supermarkets are stuffed with it. It is really cheap too. In our local supermarket they display the sweetcorn in its husks in something that looks a bit like a large, raised sandpit. This area is usually packed with people who are busy removing the husks and those silky, stringy bits and putting the discarded bits into little bins that are there just for that purpose. People will stand there for ages removing every last piece of husk from mountains of corn.
I think that’s odd. Why? Because everything else that people buy is overwrapped in one way or another. Just look at toothpaste which comes in a tube, in a box, wrapped in cellophane. I know that even 20 years ago it was completely acceptable in German supermarkets to leave unwanted packaging at the shop, but in the US people still seem to like the many layers of wrapping. I’m not a big fan – it makes everything a bit like pass the parcel.
So when there are no issues with the packing on most things – what on Earth is wrong with sweetcorn husks? Personally I like having the husks as they are perfect to BBQ the corn in – I just peel it all back, remove the strings, add some butter and put it all back togethter. Yum.
Car rental that makes you mental
Posted by Anya in Car stuff, Stuff that's different and weird on June 4, 2010
*Advance warning* rant to follow.
Over the last few months I’ve travelled to Europe a few times – each time hiring a car. I have to say that car rental is one service where America is way ahead of the UK. I have travelled a great deal in the US and hired cars – mostly with a Avis where I have a preferred member card. On arrival at an airport I find the Avis bus, and the driver logs that I’m on the way. On arrival there’s a board which tells me where to find my car which already has all the contract details waiting in it. I get in and drive off. Many times on arrival in Chicago in the winter – I arrive at my car which has the engine running and the heating and bottom warmers on. Now that’s service.
The last few times I’ve arrived in the UK I’ve unfortunately used a different rental company. Despite similar preferred privileges I still need to wait in line for aaaages waiting for a bored and/or incompetent employee to laboriously process a significant amount of paperwork by hand. One one occasion I was told that I’d have to wait at least an hour for a car by some spotty oik who didn’t seem to think this was an issue (I went to another company – of course).
On return it is even worse. Coming back to London Heathrow the surly Eastern European car returns team don’t seem to appreciate that you probably have a plane to catch. Even if there are no other cars, they meander over impossibly slowly. There’s invariably a problem (some invented scratch that involves lengthy paperwork in their chaotic portacabin). Then, just as you think you are finally finished with them, the buses drive off just as you arrive at the door. Urgh.
These guys are particularly bad – but in general the service in the UK just isn’t up to the simplicity of car hire in the US. I don’t see why that should be – so come on chaps – sort it out!
I guess the one saving grace of the British hire companies is the cars. Nothing to rave about but they have nippy hatches and roomy diesels as opposed to the US offerings which make you feel like the missing Blues Brother and have an average of 4mpg. Also I know for a fact that the US chaps keep the PT Cruisers for people who are rude in the queue (I asked in case you are wondering 😉
Bucks County Flying Trapeze
Posted by Anya in Activities, Circus stuff on June 4, 2010
I know I haven’t posted in a while – it’s all been a bit hectic. I did want to share something I got up to about a week ago though – my second go on the flying trapeze. I couldn’t believe it – over the last couple of summers one of the teachers at the circus school I go to has set up an amazing flying rig just north of where I live in beautiful Bucks county PA. You walk into a large field just off the river road and there you see this enormous trapeze rig. I’m pleased I’m not scared of heights because it is a long way up.
Anyway, I’ll cut to the chase – I had an amazing time and a little bit of the teachers’ awesomeness rubbed off – I managed a catch from a new position – splits.
Here you go – enjoy:
Good old fashioned girl guide commercialism
Posted by Anya in Crimes against food, Stuff that's different and weird on April 23, 2010
I remember when I was little, one of the best things at school fairs and the like was the cake stall where you could buy all sorts of scrummy cakes that legions of little old ladies and girl guides had baked to raise money. There’s just nothing to match a home made Victoria sponge…Yum. Well, things have moved on, at least in the good old US of A. The sale of girl scout cookies, which I am sure had similar humble beginnings to those school fairs I attended, has become and seriously commercial, soulless and frankly, nutritionally dubious activity.
Rather than the charmingly misshapen scones and biscuits of one upon a time, you can now buy boxes of blandly identical shapes. There are however many different flavours to choose from – all with nauseatingly saccharine names such as: Do-si-dos, Thank you berry munch and Tagalongs. You can even buy online.
The good thing is that the intention of the sale of the cookies is still good – helping children to gain ‘hands-on entrepreneurial’ experience and to raise money for local good causes. It’s just a shame that they don’t take the opportunity to add a lesson on cooking from actual ingredients.